Perspective.....

I guess it started about a week ago. For those of you who don't know I am returning back to work on the 25th and it certainly feels like the hardest thing I have had to do so far. I have known all along that after 12 weeks of being with Ari 24/7 I was going to have to return to work- atleast for a few months, but I had been putting it as far back in the corner of my mind as possible. Until about a week ago- I realised that all of my stalling and putting things off til "tomorrow" was not going to make the inevitable go away. That dreadful day was fast approaching and I had to prepare myself and my little guy as much as possible.
So I started preparing lists and labels and charts and organizing everything and anything I thought Ari might need while I was away. Doing this makes me feel a little bit more in control, and anyone that knows me, knows I need to be in control.
All this preparing for my return to work also gave me a really bad attitude, and thats when it started.....
Ryan came home from work and told me that a coworker's wife had to deliver her baby early, at just 28 weeks. Now this tiny one pound person was literally engaged in the fight for his life. His tiny system way to young to handle the stresses of eating, breathing and maintaining his temperature.
The very next day I recieved news that my pregnant partner ( we were due just months apart and went through the journey of our first pregnancies together) had also delieverd her baby- full term, I was so excited - and then she explained- in the best words she could find - that the baby had some complications and was born with a skin disorder- he was in NICU and she had little else she could tell me.
And then it hit me- while I have been boo hooing around the house for the last week and a half, I have missed something so profound. I have a healthy baby boy. I was blessed with a baby that was placed in my arms right after I delieverd- not wisked away to NICU.
I thought about how I complained about my aches and pains when I was pregnant- and realised how lucky I was to have those aches and pains for 40 whole weeks.
I have been so busy feeling sorry for the things I am going to miss while I am away from Ari while I work - I forgot about how many things I have already gotten to experience
Ryan cutting the umblical cord
Ari latching on for the first time (and every time there after)
First baths and first diapers and trips to the store
Bringing our healthy baby boy home
Rocking Ari when he cries
I could go on and on with all the amazing and wonderful experiences I have had in my first three months as Ari's mom-
Today I have a new perspective, while I am still sad to leave my baby boy and return to work - now I have shifted my focus onto what I do have
A healthy baby boy and a loving spouse- I am truly blessed
Our hearts and prayers go out to our friends/coworkers who are struggling now. Hug your little ones a little tighter tonight - just because you can and remember those in your prayers who are longing for the day when they too can hug their little ones.