Tender Mercies

I'm not going to lie... church is hard for us- don't get me wrong- I love going to church and when we don't go I miss it and my entire week is a mess.  But that being said, it is hard for us (well really ME)
Ari is at this age where the hour long sacrament meeting is just too much - we have tried everything: quiet toys he only sees on Sundays, crayons, snacks, etc., etc, etc.   nothing works.  The few minutes I do get to spend with Ari is sacrament meeting he is usually being LOUD, trying to crawl under the pews, or trying to get other people in the meeting to start up a conversation with him.  He pretends to have no idea of what it means to be quiet or whisper.
This last Sunday, Team Williams was down a player to begin with (Ryan was at the office all day preparing for an audit)
We made it to church almost on time and I was optimistic that we might make it through a decent part of Sacrament- BUT from the moment we walked into the chapel - Ari started screaming - screaming....
Agh... I panic, I know most people have gone through this, I try to tell myself that no one is judging my parenting skills because of this outburst and we exit as quickly as possible.
Now anyone who knows me knows I am not a super spiritual person- don't get me wrong- I am spiritual - but I don't get up and bear my testimony monthly (or yearly....) so what I am about to share with you, may seem small- but felt like a mountain moving to me.
I broke down in the Mother's room, I couldn't take it anymore, I felt broken and defeated and like the worst Mom in the world, I mean what kind of mom can't keep her two year old quietly entertained for an hour?  And worst of all, I was angry at a two year old... and I was mad at myself for being angry... I was pleading
with myself to be a better mom, and pleading with my Heavenly Father to help me be a better mom.
And just then, screaming Ari went silent, and laid in my arms, and looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said "love you mommy" and laid in my arms for the rest of the hour and just stared into my eyes ...
And there was peace in my heart- and I knew Ari meant it, and I knew I was a good mom and I knew my Heavenly Father listened to my prayer...
I don't remember what the talks were about on Sunday, but the hour I spent in the Mother's room did more for my spiritual well being then any talk I have heard in a long time...
I love this little boy... and all the tender mercies along the way