Happy Birthday Ari

Ari turned one today... at exactly 11:09am Ari turned 1. I have known this day was going to come, I knew it would come long before I knew what color hair Ari would have, what his laugh would sound like, or what his favorite song would be... but it didn't make it any easier on me. My baby turned one today....


Don't misunderstand me - I am happy and excited, I am overwhelmed with happiness everyday thanks to this little man who has stolen my heart, BUT
I am sad


Dads don't understand, (I don't blame you Ryan) it is different for them, for Ryan Ari's first birthday is a milestone that means he is just that much closer to the day they can play catch in the back yard, go on bike rides, teach Ari how to golf- I get it and I am excited for those things too, BUT


for me today also meant I was one step closer from not having a baby anymore (Although in spirit Ari you will always be my baby) it may be just a baby step, but today was a step for Ari towards independence... A year ago when they placed him in my arms - he needed me - completely and today one year later - he needs me a little less


I know this is the plan and I can see the beauty in it - I know that the goal here is independence, and I am proud of Ari and Ryan and I for how far we have come in a year .... BUT forgive me for needing just this tiny moment to be sad
It went so fast, (and I know how cliche that sounds) I think back to all the people who warned me how fast it would go - and during the sleepless nights, and the constant feedings I foolishly rolled my eyes at them thinking
there was NO WAY this would go fast - but here I am knocked flat on my bum trying to figure out how in the world my six month old turned ONE