More Resolutions

Ok - I said my hellos and goodbyes for 2010. I have a few more "resolutions" so since my #1 resolution was to make resolutions - (and what is the sense in making them if you're going to keep them a secret?) Here they are

I used to write- I used to write A LOT (some of you might know that) - I don't really know why I stopped - All I can figure is that I did my most writing when I was at a college where I never really felt like I fit in and I desperately wanted to fit in, I wrote volumes when I was repeatedly falling for the wrong guy. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote - and it was my thing- and I loved it. I guess maybe I was a little dark and tortured - and maybe that is what inspired me - Because that is when it stopped - I met Ryan and no matter where I was - if I was with him, I felt like I belonged. I didn't care about fitting in - because I didn't want to fit in - Ryan loved me for who I was so it didn't matter anymore. But I miss writing - and it's no ones fault but my own.. I got distracted by love and life and my little boy - but I miss writing - so that brings me to #2

#2 - I am going to write again - I am going to set up a blog and just write

I love being a Mom - I had no idea how hard it was going to be before I was a Mom - NO IDEA - but regardless.... I LOVE BEING A MOM

I had to put that out there

I (more often then I would like to admit) get caught up in how "naughty, clever, active" Ari is or how "uncreative, uninspired and uninspiring" I am and forget to enjoy these moments I have being a mom. I am ashamed to admit that I have sat in the rocking chair with Ari rocking him to sleep all the while wishing I could be watching TV or updating my status.... I have caught myself on too many occasions wanting to be somewhere else - when what I have is so fleeting..... I read my journal entries from when Ari was first born and being away from him was physically painful - I read my entries from when I went back to work and I felt like I was dying those first days, weeks and months..... In my journal and my prayers I promised that if I could be with him all day I wouldn't take it for granted - I would be a good mom, I would be creative and inspired and inspiring ..... but I got off track - I don't know how I went from feeling like my heart was breaking while I walked to my car to sitting in a rocking chair and wishing I could be watching Glee - wishing my baby didn't need me to read three books and sing one song and rock him for 30 minutes to go to sleep some nights.... HOW DID I GET HERE ?!?!?

# 3 - I am going to enjoy the moments, messes, mistakes and madness that come with being a mom -

# 4- I want to do the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer - it's September 11th-12th in Santa Barbara. My favorite Sister in law did it a while ago and I have always been super impressed with it - So this year I want to do it... However I am very nervous/scared/chicken to do it myself - so I am putting it on Facebook and hopefully someone, somewhere in Facebook land will want to walk with me- I don't think I can do this one alone - (and Ryan doesn't seem to interested)

So there they are .... my New Year's Resolutions